Friday, March 28, 2008
8:56PM - Long time no been here
Haven't been here at my parents for awhile so no internet :(
O'well hasn't been all bad every time I'm on here I just get more depressed, its easy to be comsued with work when your poor and trying to pay rent. Been party alot too, which is really usual for me, to many drugs, helps me to forget more though, but I just can't keep ignoreing the little girl crying in the back of my head.
Monday, October 22, 2007
11:10PM - Something like that
androgyne, bitch, chick with a dick, differently-gendered, dude, dudette, fangirl, female, feminine, gender outlaw, girlboy, girly-girl, hippie, kitty, left-brained, lesbian, lesbo, lipstick lesbian, puppy, quiz whore, switch, trans-friendly, transgender, transwoman, wolf
Who are you?
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Your Score: Siouxsie Sioux!
Our test has determined that you possess
24% Hellbentness, 34% Sanguinity, and 48% Creeps!
You are Siouxsie Sioux, lead singer of Siouxsie and the Banshees!
Siouxsie and the Banshees were a British gothic rock band that encompassed the punk and new wave genres. She and the Banshees were not directly involved in the early goth scene as such, but had a massive influence on it in terms of both music and image. Siouxsie Sioux courted much controversy in the band's early days with her dress, often wearing 'bondage' clothes and fetish wear. Their music had been called "gothic" as far back as 1979, and their music formed the template for a lot of female-fronted goth bands in much the same way that Siouxsie's sense of style provided a fashion plate for many female goths. Between the two bands, Siouxsie & the Banshees and Bauhaus pretty much rocked early gothic style into being.
|Link: The what Proto-Goth Icon are you? Test written by anastasia_x on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test|
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
2:01AM - What can I say....
|You scored as Severus Snape, Well you're a tricky one aren't you? Nobody quite has you figured out and you'd probably prefer it stayed that way. That said you are a formidable force by anyone's reckoning, but there is certainly more to you than a frosty exterior and a bitter temper.|
Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
created with QuizFarm.com
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Ever since I was to old to get toys for my birthday, they have blown ass! Usualy some one will die or I work or something gets broken like friendships, families, and cars.
Well I ain't letting this birthday suck balls!!
I'm gonna do stuff, cool shit! Like hangout with my friends hell will go out to eat! Fuck might even watch the pirate movie! I'm only running on 4 hours of sleep and I've been up since 7:40am and I'm doing laundry now, should be in bed by 5ish after taking a shower, then its fun fun fun!! I'm gonna wake up at 9 too, time don't wait for me so I won't wait for it! I gonna have fun this birthday even if it kills, even though its against the laws of the universe, I WILL ENJOY THIS DAY ON EARTH!!
I so tired of the same old shit! I quit my second job cause I made no money there, almost quit my main job which would have been bad!!
Feels like I'm stuck in a hole, though this one seems more physical than emotional ( and I'm not referring to the whole trans issue).
I hate my job, my apartment, my car, my lifes headed no where and I want that to change Today!!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
9:17PM - lifes suck'in
So my best friend since forever has lost the will to live. and I just don't know what to say to him.
He seems to keep falling down and I just don't know what to do.
For fear of saying something wrong I say nothing at all.
I think if we got him going in the right direction he'd be alright.
But I'm o'so sacred....
Thursday, May 10, 2007
12:39AM - Over Worked...
Been working to jobs for far too long, the way my crappy work schedule is set up, I work seven days aweek and its gettin old real quick!
Thinking about quitting my day job, cause I hate it!!
I'm tired of dealing with the same stupid customers asking the same dump questions everyday, every week, month its just all the same I hate it! Don't feel very appreciated there either. I'm always left upfront by myself and it feels like no one wants help me and just let me do most of the work. But I do love the people I work with and the extra $cash$. But its really not that much extra cash.
I just need more time for me, so I can focus on the rest of my nonworking life. I'll eventually need more money for my transition, but thats not an immediate need.
I hope this time off will give me more time to think about my life and get things in motion!
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Survey Happy thanks too krank_kether
|You Are 48% Girly|
You're a little girly, a little boyish, and probably a whole lot indie.
You have your own unique style, and it pretty much defies gender lines.
|You Are 96% Shy|
You are beyond shy - you are most likely have a social phobia.
Seek help, and you'll be able to enjoy life instead of fearing it.
Yeah, I'm way to shy. I hope when I come out, I won't feel like I have to hide myself anymore!
|You Should Rule Saturn|
Saturn is a mysterious planet that can rarely be seen with the naked eye.
You are perfect to rule Saturn because like its rings, you don't always follow the rules of nature.
And like Saturn, to really be able to understand you, someone delve beyond your appearance.
You are not an easy person to befriend. However, once you enter a friendship, you'll be a friend for life.
You think slowly but deeply. You only gain great understanding after a situation has past.
|You Are From Saturn|
You're steady, organizes, and determined to achieve your dreams.
You tend to play it conservative, going by the rules (at least the practical ones).
You'll likely reach the top. And when you do, you'll be honorable and responsible.
Focus on happiness. Don't let your goals distract you from fun!
Don't be too set in your ways, and you'll be more of a success than you ever dreamed of.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Work'in so much, ain't got much time for nothing else.
It sucks but at least of got plenty of cash, well sorta.
My second job only pays 5.50 an hour but its easy and I like and know the people I work with. They'll work around my main job as well its hard to get fired from there. Their very tolerant of things like being late and needing days off. Plus as long as I give a heads up before I quite they keep me on the pay role, so I could go back any time.
I'm getting more hours now so it'll give me another 100 bucks a week YaY!
Cable and internet here I come! Which gives me some difficulty? Once my friends are done rigging up this computer for me. I'll have a computer at my apartment, once I get internet I want to start another myspace so I can chat with my work friends and other friends.
Funny? I really only use the net for game codes, anime, or Lj trans issues.
But I really want to "connect" with more people. I'm just feeling lonely and out of touch with everyone else. But there's that fear if I connect over the net with my friends that don't know I'm trans they might find my other myspace or even my lj, eek!
Even though I'll use a new e-mail!
I don't like feeling two faced but I need more of life, more of release from stress.
This is my plan anyway, even though I'm scared.
By the way I just finished "Burst Angel"!!
A really good Anime, I liked it alot!
10:35PM - Wa haha Wa haha ha Bitches \m/
How evil are you?
Although I don't see why liking Germany or listening to the hamster in my mind makes me pure evil, but o'well.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
10:04PM - Blah, blah, blah
Crap, tomorrow I go back to work :(
Works not bad, its just I love my two days at my parents doing nothing but watching TV mostly just Avatar, Naurto, and Inyusha. Checking out my Lj and myspace. Very unproductive things but its nice having nothing important to do. Just eating out with my folks is nice! But I'm always wasting my time off, sure all this relaxing helps me through the work days but I need to start being more productive.
So I'm making a new list of goals to check off!
1. Join near by gym thats open 24hrs!
( need to get in better shape, lose that belly fat)
2. Check up on Laser Hair Removal.
( theres a place in the next city)
3. Call therapist!!
( theres one guy really close!)
I already doubt that I'll get any of these things do soon, but I really need to stop wasting time and get on the move!
Monday, February 19, 2007
2:12AM - those wonderful surveys!
You scored 22 female, 77 shemale, and 66 distinguish!
|You definitivly love shemales.|
|My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:|
|Link: The Female or Shemale (part 2) Test written by Vinicio83 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test|
Thursday, February 8, 2007
11:59PM - yo!
My life's a mess and going nowhere fast, I just kinda hanging in work so much and all ( no internet or me time) I haven't had enough time to worry about my mental health and gender probs. I know that sounds lame, but every time I think to call the really close and convenient therapist, I say to myself " I do it tomorrow in the morning its to late now". Tomorrow turns into the next day then next week, a month and now a year later! I want to stop running away and face my problems head but I so not into choosing. I want to change time and go back and be born a girl and just face being a lesbian. Thats not gonna happen though :( I want to change so bad but I'm so scared. Without the support of my family and most of my friends what will become of me, without my job where will I live/food/life? But how long can I keep this bottled up? I'm about to explode as it is. I hate choices, I hate that this is my thorn in the side, this is my life struggle, why couldn't be something else. Just don't think I could handle it either way..
Monday, December 25, 2006
5:14PM - Yeah thats close...
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
10:05PM - Survey's!
What animal do you like to RP in BDSM?(with Pics, for Girls)
Find your Hentai Girl
8:40PM - whats going on....
Not much too new with me..
Works about the same getting alittle busier though. Black Friday was a terrible disappointment, not busy what so ever, got worked up over nothing. But as of late we have been picking up in business.
Work blew yesterday, had the drop-ies all day.
Got a copy of gameinformer today, so many games I want to play but not enough time.
Been reading(!?) more than anything lately ( besides work). Got near the end of Grandia 3 and quite, I just don't like ending a good story or something I've put alot of time into.
So I've been reading "The Lord of the Rings" or trying to finish it more accurately. When the movies came out I bought the books and got about five chapters from the end of "The Two Towers" and quiet. Now I'm nearing the half of "The Return of King". Its so good I love medieval tales!! Just so awesome. I rented "The Hobbit" cartoon, hadn't seen it since I was ten. Was an awesome movie when I was young, but seems so kiddy fid mow hehe.
Hopefully by the end of the month I'll get cable and internet, since my room mate has a good job now and can help out with the bills. Will be so glad to watch Adult swim every night and have Lj and myspace at my disposal. Hopefully things will aid in my transition and self entertainment!
Friday, November 24, 2006
12:12AM - Turkey Day!
Happy Turkey Day to all!!
Its been an okay thanksgiving, just doesn't seem as "all out" as it was when I was little. I've been longing for the days of old when everything seemed much better, friendlier, and less confusing. Back before I new I was trans, before I was afraid of being girly. As I've gott'in older and more aware of things, I just realize how much it sucks...
Everyone's getting older, even me! All the elders of my time are almost gone or senile. And no one seems fit to lead or be a guide for the little ones. People just seem to care for themselves and no one else. How has the world gott'in so fucked up? I ask myself. Was it always this way, I just didn't take notice when I was young? I hate this, what my life has become of. I'm just a workoholic, like my Dad is. Its easier to just push forward and suffer at work than take responsibility for other things like my family, friends, and church. Its like I have nothing else to live for other than a restaurant?!.
I like my job I really do! I like my coworkers, I get along with everyone, I have seniority, I've been there over a year now, most people don't last two weeks! I get great pay for a crappy job. I make 8.25 an hour and about to get raise. I get to work hard everyday and I get satisfaction out of that.
But I feel I was meant for something alittle more than cooking/dishwashing. I want to travel, I really want to go to Japan, learn Japanese. Go back to college and learn some things I want to learn!! There's no real other job I want to do, just something different. I don't want the same job for 20,30 years.
Throw in the fact I want to get off my lazy ass and transition. Well its just seems like something else that haunts me and stresses me.
Currently I think I'm gaining $1o a month after my bills, gas and grocery and occasionally getting something else like a CD or video game.
Just don't know where I'm going or how I'm getting there?
Thursday, August 17, 2006
No computer in apartment.
At parents house doing laundry, I need more work shirts can't go home every three days to do laundry.
Got another job at another restaurant in the mall yuck!
Everythings been going pretty well so far, I've been really lazy about starting my transition, but I need to start soon.
The Dragon Force show in Atlanta was fucking awesome totally crazy mega best concert ever!!!!!!!!!! The energy from the crowd and the band was just no word yet made up to describe it, just amazing.
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