Its been an okay thanksgiving, just doesn't seem as "all out" as it was when I was little. I've been longing for the days of old when everything seemed much better, friendlier, and less confusing. Back before I new I was trans, before I was afraid of being girly. As I've gott'in older and more aware of things, I just realize how much it sucks...
Everyone's getting older, even me! All the elders of my time are almost gone or senile. And no one seems fit to lead or be a guide for the little ones. People just seem to care for themselves and no one else. How has the world gott'in so fucked up? I ask myself. Was it always this way, I just didn't take notice when I was young? I hate this, what my life has become of. I'm just a workoholic, like my Dad is. Its easier to just push forward and suffer at work than take responsibility for other things like my family, friends, and church. Its like I have nothing else to live for other than a restaurant?!.
I like my job I really do! I like my coworkers, I get along with everyone, I have seniority, I've been there over a year now, most people don't last two weeks! I get great pay for a crappy job. I make 8.25 an hour and about to get raise. I get to work hard everyday and I get satisfaction out of that.
But I feel I was meant for something alittle more than cooking/dishwashing. I want to travel, I really want to go to Japan, learn Japanese. Go back to college and learn some things I want to learn!! There's no real other job I want to do, just something different. I don't want the same job for 20,30 years.
Throw in the fact I want to get off my lazy ass and transition. Well its just seems like something else that haunts me and stresses me.
Currently I think I'm gaining $1o a month after my bills, gas and grocery and occasionally getting something else like a CD or video game.
Just don't know where I'm going or how I'm getting there?